The ultimate Bouef Bourgignon

How good does a wine have to be to cook with? I remember talking to a wine writer a few years ago and he went to a very posh restaurant in Paris. He ordered a dish that came with a reduction of Hermitage, the only problem was that the cook had used a corked bottle. I think he ended up sending the dish back. My schoolboy French would not have been up to”Waiter, my gravy is corked!”

The story illustrates the point that the most important thing when choosing a wine to cook with is that there aren’t any odd flavours, corked for example, or those strange rubbery taste you sometimes get in cheap wine. Or not so cheap wine. Avoid Pinotage at all costs! If your wine is a little stinky or rubbery or has clumsy oak flavouring, then that will come out in your dish. You don’t want anything too sweet either as that will make your dish taste weird.What you need is a reasonable quality wine, one that will provide a good winey flavour and plenty of acidity. Things like Cotes du Rhones, Barbera d’Astis, beefier Beaujolais are perfect for this. Nothing too fancy though subtleties will be lost in the cooking process.

Far more important than the quality of the wine, is the quality of the meat. I made one earlier in the year with meat from Tesco and then one at the weekend with meat from the butcher in Blackheath. The difference was startling. Not just richer tasting meat but a much deeper flavour throughout the dish. It was like the different between eating in a caff compared with a fancy Paris restaurant.

This is the recipe I used, it is based on Elizabeth David’s. It’s absurdly easy to do. You cannot fail as long as you use top quality meat. The wine can be a little more humdrum.

Ingredients:

2 kg of stewing steak cut into thumb-sized chunks

1 large onion quartered

Stick of celery

2 bay leafs

Fresh parsley and thyme (and rosemary)

1 bottle of wine. I used Ultima Edizione Quatto Uve – a blend of grapes from all over Italy – lots of guts, fruit and flavour, no weird smells.

400g button mushrooms

400g shallots or baby onions

8 rashes of unsmoked streaky bacon

4 cloves of garlic

Small glass of port or other sweet wine (optional)

Brandy (optional)

Two carrots (optional)

plain flour

salt and pepper

Serves six or eight at a push

Put the beef in a large saucepan with the quartered onion, 2 cloves of garlic, one bay leaf, a sprig of thyme, some parsley stalks and a little rosemary if you have it. I find rosemary can be a bit overpowering so would rather leave it out rather than put in too much. Season, cover pan and leave overnight to marinade or for at least four hours.

Drain, keeping the marinade and beef but discarding the vegetables, herbs etc. Dust beef lightly with flower. Cut bacon into lardons and fry until crisp and the fat has come out.Leave lardons to one side. Now brown the beef in the bacon fat in batches and place in a large heavy-bottomed saucepan. When all the beef is browned put the heat on low, add a splash of brandy and set alight (not essential but great fun.) Now add the marinade wine, a sprig of thyme, a bay leaf and two peeled cloves of garlic. Don’t add any salt at this stage. Bring to a slow simmer, cover and leave for two hours. Check occasionally that it is not sticking to the bottom of the pan.

Peel the baby onions/ shallots and quickly fry them in bacon fat, olive oil, butter or a combination of the three. Add to the beef. Quickly fry the mushrooms and add to the beef. Add the chopped cooked bacon. (If you want the stew to go further you could add some roughly chopped carrot at this point.)

Cover and leave on a low heat for one more hour. Now taste, add salt if needed. The meat should be melty. If it isn’t then the stew might need longer. At this stage a small glass of port or similar really lift the whole dish and brings out the winey flavours.

Ideally you’ll now leave it overnight somewhere cold. Any excess fat can be removed when it has solidified. When it’s time to eat, gently bring the stew to a simmer. Add a handful of roughly chopped parsley,  black pepper and serve with mashed potatoes and something green, cabbage is nice.

You’ll want to eat this with something far better than you used for cooking: Bordeaux, Rhone and Burgundy all go well though I had this recently with a bottle of Chateau St. Thomas 2001 from Lebanon. They were spectacular together.

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Tokaji – the wine that nearly died

Tokaji is the legendary wine that nearly passed into myth. It was once so highly prized that the Czar of Russia kept a detachments of soldiers in Hungary purely to bring the latest vintage safely back to St Petersburg. But by the time the British wine writer Hugh Johnson visited in the 1970s the wines had become in his words “dilute, merely sweet without character.”

Tokaji should be made from grapes affected by a fungus called Botrytis or noble rot. This form of fungus dries the grapes and concentrates the sugar. These grapes are known in Hungary as Aszu meaning dry. They are  crushed into a super sweet paste and then added to a base wine which is then refermented. This time-consuming method was invented in the 16th century. The rarest form of Tokaji, Essencia, was made from the syrup that drips off the Aszu grapes before they are pressed. It was rumoured to have miraculous restorative qualities.

The 20th century was a disaster for Tokaji. It lost its best customers after World War One, the Romanovs and the Habsburgs. Then after the World War Two all production was collectivised. Istvan Szepsy was manager of the Borkombinat, the state wine monopoly. His job was to make as much wine as possible for the undiscerning Soviet market. The resulting wines were oxidised, pasteurised, sweetened with sugar and sold as an imitation Tokaji. The knowledge of how to make the real thing nearly died out. But in secret Szepsy tended a small plot of his own vines and carried on using the time-consuming old methods to create minute quantities of intensely sweet wine.

On his visits to communist Hungary, Hugh Johnson has been fortunate enough to try some 19th century Tokaji which affected him deeply. He described the flavour as like “celestial butterscotch”. So in the 1989 when Hungary was opening up, he started the Royal Tokaji Company with Danish winemaker Peter Vinding in conjunction with a group of farmers from the village of Mád. And who did they turn to manage the operation? Istvan Szepsy of course, the man who carried in his brain the nearly lost techniques of how to make authentic Tokaji.

Some vital information had been lost though. At one time Tokaji had been as thoroughly mapped as  Bordeaux or Burgundy but following the upheavals of the 20th century, nobody knew exactly where the best vineyards were. The final piece of the jigsaw came in a moment of startling serendipity: whilst browsing in in a secondhand bookshop in Budapest, Vinding found an old book written in Latin charting the great vineyards of Tokaji.

This year Royal Tokaji will release the 2008 of their Essencia. This is only made in exceptional vintages. The syrup from the Aszu berries is left to ferment for years but because of its intense sweetness never gains more than about 3% alcohol. Price is as yet to be confirmed but likely to be around £500 a bottle. Tokaji is firmly back on the fine wine map and once again aficionados are willing to pay for the very best.

This article originally appeared in Quintessentially magazine. 

 

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Why writers love booze (and it’s not just because they’re often drunks.)

So closely are some of the giants of 20th century literature associated with alcohol that modern readers might think that a serious booze habit was once the equivalent of a degree in creative writing from Iowa or UEA. It’s not surprising, therefore, that alcohol permeates the work of writers such as Kingsley Amis, Ernest Hemingway and Dorothy Parker. They were writing about what they knew. Alcohol, however, in fiction doesn’t just reflect the lifestyle and times of the writer, its role is more complex and interesting than that.

I’m currently reading a collection called “Shaken and Stirred: Intoxicating Stories” (Everyman). In many of the short stories featured, a drunken incident is the motor of the narrative. For example in Alice Munro’s “An Ounce of Cure” a lovestruck teenager gets paralytic whilst babysitting and becomes an outcast at school ‘but there was a positive, a splendidly unexpected, result of this affair: I got completely over Martin Collingwood.’ In Frank O’Connor’s “the Drunkard”, a boy’s disastrous encounter with a pint of porter  prevents his father going on a long-anticipated drinking spree. Both stories pivot on alcohol, the effect in Munro’s is cathartic, she purges herself of her infatuation; in O’ Connor, it’s a reversal of fortune.

Shaken and Stirred features an extract from The Lost Weekend by Charles R. Jackson, another one of literary America’s great boozers. Drink enables Jackson to show us the innermost thoughts of the protagonist, Don Birnam, a failing writer. After a few glasses of rye consumed in a bar, he starts to daydream of literary success. He veers between giddy optimism and neurotic self-doubt. Without the drink, it would seem clunky, but having his thoughts come out in a progression of alcoholic intoxication draws the reader in. ‘Suddenly, sickeningly, the whole thing was so much eyewash’ he thinks after another drink. Something all writers and day dreamers can sympathise with not just drunks.

This use of alcohol to reveal narrative is particularly useful for writers of detective fiction. Fictional detectives spend a lot of time in pubs and bars not just because they like drinking but because that’s where they find information. One of the novelist’s problems is finding something for his characters to do when they are thinking or engaged in conversation. Giving them a drink and a cigarette is makes it appear natural. Drink oils the cogs of the plot.

A good example occurs in The Long Goodbye by Raymond Chandler. Philip Marlowe, a private investigator, meets one of the principal character, Lennox, in a bar. Lennox explains his problems with his wife and we learn that she is terrified of something. Soon afterwards she is found dead.  If they had this conversation on the street, it would look staged. In a cafe it wouldn’t work either. Alcohol has to be around so that it seems natural when characters open up and tell stories. Drink is a good way for novelists to tell rather than show without the reader noticing.

Part of the reason fictional detectives have drink problems is because it gives them an air of mystery. Think of Rebus in Ian Rankin’s novels or Sam Spade in Dashiell Hammett’s. Cocaine serves a similar purposes in the Sherlock Holmes stories. Detectives solve crimes but they are also trying (and always) failing to solve themselves. Alcohol is an outward symbol of their inner turmoil.

In Hangover Square by Patrick Hamilton drink is synonymous with mental illness. Written in the 1930s and set in a grim, smoky Earl’s Court. The hero George Harvey Bone is hopelessly in love with Netta, one of the great monsters of English literature. The more he drinks, the more he is prone to moments where a switch flips in him. In these moments he sees clearly that he must murder her and move to Maidenhead. When these episodes strike, the narrative on the page is disrupted reflecting the Bone’s mental disintegration:

‘He still had the gin bottle in his hand. Watching her carefully, he held it by the neck behind his back. Now! Now! Now! He thought. ‘

The drink of choice in Hangover Square is gin. Gin has a special place in British literature. The very word gin is a byword for particular kind of British frustration. It’s tied up with boarding houses, borrowing money, dead-ends, broken dreams, and unhappy pubs. Think of the works of Graham Greene or Julian Maclaren Ross. The gin-soaked colonial type is a fixture of English literature.  Here is Flory the hapless hero of George Orwell’s novel Burmese Days: ‘I can never get it into my servant’s head that SOME people can exist without gin before breakfast.’ Orwell’s description of the taste of Victory gin in 1984 is a masterclass in squalor:

“He took down from the shelf a bottle of colourless liquid with a plain white label marked VICTORY GIN. It gave off a sickly, oily smell, as of Chinese rice-spirit. Winston poured out nearly a teacupful, nerved himself for a shock, and gulped it down like a dose of medicine. Instantly his face turned scarlet and the water ran out of his eyes. The stuff was like nitric acid, and moreover, in swallowing it one had the sensation of being hit on the back of the head with a rubber club. The next moment, however, the burning in his belly died down and the world began to look more cheerful. “

Ahhh the magic of gin.

Drinks can provide the opposite function, however.  In Hemingway’s A Farewell to Arms  the constant listing of drinks such as Marsala, Cinzano, Asti Spumante, and Martini, serves as a reminder that there was a normal life before the war and will be afterwards. For Charles Ryder in Brideshead Revisited, “this Burgundy seemed to me, then, serene and triumphant reminder that the world was an older and better place …” A sip of good wine can take you away from the horrors of war.

In the same novel, alcohol plays a less benevolent role, as a weapon in the snob’s arsenal during a scene where Charles Ryder has dinner in Paris with Rex Mottram, an arriviste Canadian businessman and his love rival. Ryder orders a cognac which is dismissed by Mottram as “the sort of stuff he puts soda in at home. So, shamefacedly, they (the waiters) wheeled out of its hiding place the vast and mouldy bottle they kept for people of Rex’s sort. ’That’s the stuff,’ he said, tilting the treacly concoction till it left dark rings round the sides of his glass.” Evelyn Waugh wants us to see Mottram as a vulgarian and Ryder as a man of taste but also reveals his own prejudices.

The ultimate boozy status seeker is James Bond. This is from Casino Royale:

Bond insisted on ordering Leiter’s Haig-and-Haig ‘on the rocks’ and then he looked carefully at the barman. “A dry martini,” he said. “One. In a deep champagne goblet. Three measures of Gordon’s, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it’s ice cold, then add a large thin slice of lemon peel. Got it?”

Here’s a man who knows what he wants and knows how to get it. We’re meant to admire Bond, I think, for his discernment but you could just see him as a bit of bore. It’s only a short leap from Bond to horrendous characters in Brett Easton Ellis’s American Psycho:

“Van Patten,” I say. “Did you see the comp bottle of champagne Montgomery sent over?”

“Really?” Van Patten asks, leaning over McDermott.

“Let me guess. Perrier-Jouët?”

Bingo,” Price says. “Non Vintage.”

“Fucking weasel,” Van Patten says.

Wine connoisseurship plays a narrative role in two stories in the Shaken and Stirred.  In Edgar Allen Poe’s 1846 story “A Cask of Amontillado”, Montresor lures a rival Fortunato down to a deep cellar with the promise of old amontillado sherry which was much-prized in the 19th century. Many sherries were sold as amontillado but they weren’t the real thing. To have the genuine article was unusual. Along the way Montresor gets Fortunato drunk and bricks him up alive in a wall. The mystery which is never solved is why he does this.

The plot of Roald Dahl’s short story “Taste” hinges on identifying a rare Bordeaux but the real amusement comes from the pretensions of the wine taster: ‘a prudent wine. . .  rather diffident and evasive but quite prudent’ he says at one point. Waugh too in Brideshead Revisited has enormous fun with wine connoisseurship. In a famous scene Charles Ryder and Sebastian Flyte try to outdo each with their descriptions of a wine:

: ‘…It is a little, shy wine like a gazelle.’

‘Like a leprechaun.’

‘Dappled, in a tapestry meadow.’

‘Like a flute by still water.’

‘…And this is a wise old wine.’

‘A prophet in a cave.’

‘…And this is a necklace of pearls on a white neck.’

‘Like a swan.’

‘Like the last unicorn.’

The miseries of the morning after are even richer ground for comedy. PG Wodehouse’s descriptions of the aural misery of the hangover will surely never be bettered: ‘the Cat Stamped into the Room’ and ‘the roaring of the butterflies.’ It’s no surprise to find in Shaken and Stirred probably the best hangover description in literature from Kingsley Amis’s Lucky Jim:

“The light did him harm, but not as much as looking at things did; he resolved, having done it once, never to move his eyeballs again. A dusty thudding in his head made the scene before him beat like a pulse. His mouth had been used as a latrine by some small creature of the night, and then as its mausoleum. During the night, too, he’d somehow been on a cross-country run and then been expertly beaten up by secret police. He felt bad”

With a hangover there’s that awful sickening moment when you wake up and then start to have an inkling of how badly you behaved the night before. Dorothy Parker skewers the paranoia expertly in the short story “You were perfectly fine.”  In it a young man, Peter, wakes up in a the flat of a lady friend and she recounts what happened the night before: “she thought you were awfully amusing. . . . she only got a tiny little bit annoyed just once, when you poured the clam juice down her back.”

Whatever you want to do in fiction, alcohol can help. It can move the plot forward, it provides comedy, tragedy, explication, it’s a window into a character’s soul and a signifier of turmoil and mental illness. Raymond Chandler wrote that if you’re stuck writing a novel, “have a man come through a door with a gun in his hand” but a drink might work even better. If only real life was as simple.

A shorter version of this article appeared in the Guardian

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London’s best caffs

I wrote this for an American magazine Food & Wine hence explanation for what a greasy spoon is. They have made a lovely slideshow out of it.

Image result for e pellicci

Photo of E. Pellicci from Classic Cafes

A greasy spoon is a British institution roughly analogous to an American diner—but without the free refills. They serve basic food consisting of fried breakfasts, meat pies and sandwiches. You also see dishes that you probably thought had died out in the 1950s, such as boiled bacon or liver and onions. You will not get salad at a greasy spoon, nor are these the kinds of places at which to ask if the sausages are organic. You may, however, get Greek or Italian food, as many are run by the families of immigrants who came to the UK after World War II.

Greasy spoons are predominantly working class institutions, but the best attract a wide cross-section of the community. Most customers just call them caffs—i.e. cafe without pronouncing the e. In some, the interiors are works of industrial art with deco touches and lashing of 50s formica. More often, though, the decor is merely functional, with plastic furniture that’s screwed to the floor. Though usually very friendly kinds of places, they are also highly efficient operations, able to provide huge quantities of food with the minimum of fuss. In a properly run caff, the food will arrive quickly, your eggs will always be perfectly cooked, and everything will be mouth-scaldingly hot.

Sadly, many of these places have closed in recent years, victims of rising rents and changing eating habits. Londoners of a certain age will get all misty-eyed if you mention places such as the New Piccadilly, Rossi’s in Spitalfields and my own favorite, the Euston Sandwich bar. Nonetheless, the ones outlined below seem to be thriving.

Finally, some tips for getting the most out of your caff: Request crusty bread and you’ll get the good stuff from the bakers rather than the industrial bread that comes out of a packet; ask for your bacon crisp, as many British people like a soggy rasher; and finally, drink tea. The coffee is usually terrible! —Henry Jeffreys

E. Pellicci, 332 Bethnal Green Rd, London E2 0AG 

Perhaps London’s most famous caff. There are two things that make this place unique: one is the interior, an art deco masterpiece in inlaid wood. The other is the incredible Italian Cockney accents of the staff. This accent, once common in East London, is not one you hear very much any more. The way the Italian vowels swoop into London glottal stops is worth the journey alone. Oh, and the food is good too—especially the lasagna.

Kennington Lane Cafe 383 Kennington Lane, London SE11 5QY 

It doesn’t look like much from the outside, but it packs a proper punch where it matters, in the kitchen. Run by perhaps London’s friendliest cafe owner, Halil, it won a Time Out Love London Award from the London listing magazine. The menu is a bit more extensive than most places of its ilk and includes fish and chips, kebabs and roast lunches. Also burgers and excellent steak and kidney pies.

Polo Bar, 176 Bishopsgate, London EC2M 4NQ, 

An all night service has just been launched on the Underground, but London is still very far from being a 24-hour city. Just try getting a drink after 1am. Thank heavens for the Polo Bar opposite Liverpool Street Station, which has saved my bacon on countless occasions when I just didn’t want to go home. It’s open 24 hours and is always full of taxi drivers, shift workers and night owls. I always order a sausage sandwich and a mug of tea, but I’ve also heard good things about the burgers.

The Shepherdess 221 City Rd, London EC1V 1JN 

This is just up the road from the bustling Shoreditch neighborhood, on a slightly desolate stretch of City Road. It’s a lovely room with some proper screwed-to-the-floor furniture. We don’t want those tables moving around! Their enormous breakfast is rightly famous and indeed award-winning: “The best builders breakfast in Britain,” according to the website Builders.com. You can’t get a higher recommendation than that.

Maggie’s, 320-322 Lewisham Rd, London SE13 7PA, 

The best greasy spoons are run by formidable personalities, such as Maggie. I’ve never seen her looking less than chic, her hair always immaculate, lots of jewelry and a cigarette in her hand. The current building boom in Lewisham seems mainly to be benefiting Maggie. If you can find a table among all the builders, try this caff’s epic breakfasts. It’s quieter in the evening, when you can have chops and steak. They even have an alcohol license.

Regency Cafe 17-19 Regency St, London SW1P 4BY 

If not quite as lavish as E. Pellicci, but this is another Art Deco wonder, an understated study in tile and formica. No surprise then that it’s often used as a film location. The lady who runs it is famous for having one of the loudest voices in London. Do not even think of taking a seat until you’ve ordered at the counter or you will feel her wrath. Worth braving her, though, for one of the finest fried breakfasts around.

Terry’s , 158 Great Suffolk St, London SE1 1PE 

A model for how to bring a caff into the modern age without sacrificing its soul. They buy their coffee from Monmouth in Covent Garden and their sausages from Borough market. And yet it’s still cheap as chips and proudly working class. I normally order that London Jewish specialty, the salt beef sandwich (on crusty white bread of course). A cup of tea costs only 20 pence if you’re having food.

Arthur’s Cafe, 495 Kingsland Rd, London E8 4AU

In contrast to most greasy spoons, Arthur’s, which has be serving Londoners since 1935, only has a very short menu. It usually consists of two stews or a meat pie and then sausages, ham or steak with eggs and chips. The owner Arthur must be pushing 90 but he still runs the place with a smile and a joke for everyone. All men are ‘young men’ and women ‘young ladies’ to him. On my last visit Arthur told me “I’ve given you an extra dumpling with your stew. You look like you need feeding up.”

River Cafe, 1A Station Approach, London SW6 3UH

This British cafe run by an Italian family is not to be mixed up with the other River café, a very expensive Italian restaurant run by two British women that is located nearby. This Fulham institution just by Putney Bridge has been going since the 1950s and looks like little has changed since then. On the walls are fantastic murals of Italy, and every surface that might get tea spilled on it is safely covered in formica. One for caff connoisseurs.

Mario’s Cafe, 6 Kelly St, London NW1 8PH

Located in Camden, this might be London’s most celebrated caff. There was even a song released about it in 1993 by indie band St. Etienne: “Barry’s looking through the racing post / orders coffee, another round of toast.” It’s London’s answer to Tom’s Diner by Suzanne Vega. Mario’s is run by the eponymous Mario Saggese and his family, originally from Puglia. Great breakfasts and, as you’d expect, some pretty good Italian specials too.

 

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Budget Christmas drinks

This originally appeared in the Spectator:

This summer in Spain, I had a complete break from worrying about what to drink. We just found a nice Galician wine at the local Lidl for 4 euros and stuck to that for the entire trip. In Spain it’s easy to drink well cheaply but in Britain we have to pay duty on wine at £2.08 a bottle plus 20% VAT. When entertaining at Christmas it can be very difficult to find wines that I enjoy but aren’t going to break the bank. Sometimes I think I should take a leaf out of Richard Nixon’s book who would secretly sip Chateau Margaux whilst serving cheap wine to his guests. Fortunately though, there are bargains to be had if you know where to look. My best bit of advice would be to join the Wine Society who offer unbeatable value for money.  Failing that, look out for supermarket multibuys, sometimes up to ⅓ off when you buy six bottles or more (though not in Scotland as the Scottish Government don’t trust their people to buy in bulk without going on a rampage down Sauchiehall Street.) Aldi and Lidl are also happy hunting grounds for the impecunious connoisseur. The wines I’ve listed below are good enough for when your grand aunt comes over but you also won’t mind when Steve from accounts pours half a bottle into a pint glass.

Philippe Michel Cremant du Jura NV (£7.49 Aldi)

This is the wine I recommend to friends when they are getting married but they always ignore my advice because they can’t imagine that a cheap sparkling wine from Aldi can be any good. Well more fool them because this is great: clean and lemony with a certain toasty biscuity quality just like a good champagne.

Palataia German Pinot Noir (£10.50 M&S)

So it’s not the cheapest wine but if like me you want something similar to Burgundy with your turkey then this is stunningly good value. What I love about it is its combination of ripe strawberries with a proper forest floor smell just like in a much more expensive wine

Torres Viña  Sol 2015 (£5 at ASDA until 27 December)

Viña Sol is a Spanish classic and at this price impossible to resist. Don’t expect fireworks just lots of crisp green apples and a hint of lemon peel but it’s so much better than your bog standard Pinot Grigios or Sauvignon Blancs. This is the ultimate Christmas party wine..

De Bortoli Liqueur Muscat Aged 8 years (£11.99 Aldi for 50 cl)

An Australian speciality made in New South Wales from a blend of vintages like a tawny port. Utterly delicious and very adaptable; it would be great with rich puddings and blue cheese, or just on its own. The taste is intensely sweet with notes of orange blossom, molasses and nuts but with an acidity that refreshes the palate making this surprisingly drinkable though I doubt even Steve from accounts could drink more than two glasses.

Empire of Booze: British History through the bottom of a glass by Henry Jeffreys is published by Unbound £13.99

 

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Why I write about wine (apart from the free wine)

I found this introduction that I wrote when I became Lady wine critic in 2011 (I was fired in 2015). It still holds up for why I write about wine though I did break my own promises many many types with spuriously seasonal columns such as “the sun’s out, it’s time for rosé (again)”.

It is customary for new wine writers about to plunge into this crowded field to start with a preamble about how they are going to be different from everyone else. New Yorker writer Adam Gopnik in his new book, The Table Comes First, thinks this is due to a lack of confidence in readers’ interest:

“No subject produces a literature so anxious, expressed not so much in its grandiosity as in its defensive jokiness and regular guydom. A book on wine will always begin with the assurance that it is not like all those other books on wine, even though all those other books on wine begin by saying that they’re not like those other books on wine, either.”

Nevertheless I hope that this column is going to be a bit different. I am not going to pretend that wine is actually very straightforward. It isn’t. It’s a vast and still mysterious subject which is why it is so interesting. Unfortunately for the general reader, many writers feel the need to demonstrate their education. I have a great advantage here of not knowing that much. I am learning the whole time but I will try to never bore readers with newly-acquired facts about precipitation levels and soil types. I will also avoid extensive tasting notes. Putting flavours into words will always be underwhelming unless you have the descriptive powers of Milton.

I was brought up with the vague idea that good wine was something important. Beyond muttering ‘playful but not extravagant’ after a sip of claret my father was, alas, not much help in educating me. It was in my local branch of Oddbins when I was at university where I first started to learn. I spent so much time there that they offered me a job. After two years in the wine trade, I moved into publishing – the two businesses have an affinity for each other – but kept up my burgeoning love affair with wine through drinking and reading everything I could on the subject. My favourite writers on wine are not professionals but enthusiastic amateurs such as Auberon Waugh, Kingsley Amis or Roger Scruton.  

Like the work of these three, the primary function of this monthly column is to entertain, the secondary is to recommend good things to drink and if we learn something that will be a happy side effect. I hope that readers will write in with queries or tell me when I have confused Verdelho with Verdejo (both are grape varieties the first grows mainly on Madeira the second in Rueda in Spain). I’ll avoid spurious seasonal hooks such as ‘it’s May it must be time for rosé.’ Christmas, however, I have no such qualms about using as a peg. It is, in my memory, inextricably linked to wine: the mid morning champagne; the cut crystal glasses, useless for tasting but so pretty on the table; the sediment on the side of the claret bottle; and  best of all port’s yearly outing.

I’ll be posting some Christmas recommendations soon. 

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Why are wine lovers so easy to fool?

Sour Grapes: The Rudy Kurniawan story is now available on Netflix so I’m republishing this thing I wrote for the Spectator back in September. The documentary is well worth seeing. I also wrote a more in-depth thing on it for Tim Atkin

Rudy Kurniawan Evidence 300x270 Rudy Kurniawan Sentence 10 Years in Prison From Wine Bars to Jail Bars

Last week a Hong Kong-based wine professional  posted a bottle, a 1959 Richebourg from Henri Jayer, on twitter. It’s worth thousands of pounds but more importantly for a Burgundy lover, tasting it should be the experience of a lifetime. Maureen Downey, an American expert in wine authentication, confidently tweeted back, it’s a fake.

Wine fakes are in the news at the moment with the imminent release of a documentary Sour Grapes. It’s the story of Rudy Kurniawan, an Indonesian national, based in California who was convicted in 2013 for faking some of the world’s great wines. Between 2002 and 2012 Kurniawan sold about $100 million worth of wine.

Maureen Downey who had her suspicions about Kurniawan way back in 2003 told me that people “should’ve seen a 20-something kid suddenly selling cases & cases of the rarest wines & posed a question or two.” Why they didn’t might have something to do with the crowd that Kurniawan moved in.  Kurniawan’s cronies included American author Jay McInerney who features in the film sockless and showing a lot of ankle, fantastically louche-looking filmmaker Jeff Levy and Arthur M. Sarkissian whose oeuvre includes Rush Hour, Rush Hour 2 and Rush Hour 3. Another of their number, auctioneer John Kapon, made a fortune from selling Kurniawan’s wines and not asking too many questions. For these men drinking ultra rare and expensive wines was a form of willy-waving like having a Porsche or model girlfriend. Downey describes the scene as one of “greed, and hubris and disgusting male posturing.”

But it’s not only testosterone-fuelled fools who fall for fakes. That 1959 Richebourg drinker is not only female but a Master of Wine, a qualification that takes years of intensive training. There are only 354 in the world. If she couldn’t spot a fake, then what chance does that give the rest of us? With wines this rare and old nobody really knows what they are meant to taste like. Kurniawan’s recipe for 1945 Mouton-Rothschild was 50% 1988 Ch Cos d’Estournel, 25% 1990 Ch Palmer and 25% 2000 California Cabernet. There’s a fake I’d like to try!

The trick Kurniawan mastered was to mix in fakes with genuine bottles at tastings and then rely on peer pressure to silence any sceptics. British Master of Wine Jancis Robinson has written of how she had her doubts about the authenticity of wine provided by a Danish collector Rene Dehn but didn’t voice them.

It’s impossible to know how widespread fakes are. In the film Laurent Ponsot, a Burgundy producer who proves Rudy’s nemesis, alleges that most pre-1980 Burgundies sold at auction are not genuine.  I spoke with expert on forgery Nick Bartman who told me of Chinese counterfeiters who “take the blueprint of Kurniawan and put it out on a much bigger scale.”

Maureen Downey runs a series of training days where one can learn how to spot a fake. Her advice is “if it looks too good to be true, it is.” The trouble is that when confronted with a really rare bottle, most wine lovers switch off their critical faculties which is why Kurniawan got away with it for so long.  

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