This wine reminds me of . . . . Kevin McCloud!

I have a love/ hate relationship with Kevin McCloud. When he does that beaky-nosed scrunched-up eye thing at the camera I can’t help shouting obscenities at the television. And yet Grand Designs is my favourite program on television. That’s partly down to being snarky about other people’s taste but the way Kevin goads and needles his victims is a huge part of it.

Recently though he seems to have got under my skin to an alarming degree. I was writing up a wine which I was very keen on. It was Cotes de Saint Mont Rouge 2010 from the Wine Society. I was trying to describe how well it went with food and I tried to remember what I was eating with it. I concentrated and I remembered that I was sitting in our old wing back chair – my pompous chair as my wife has dubbed it. The food remained elusive. I tried again and . . . . I remembered that I drank it whilst watching Grand Designs. No no no no! Concentrate, the food, dammit! I engaged the brain and. . . . . it was the episode where the arty old couple from Surrey have a Hufhus imported from Germany. . . . Argghhhh! think brain! . . . I tried one more time but it was no use. That face just kept swirling into my consciousness.

I gave up and wrote this instead. Apparently what differentiates great wine writers from us also-rans is not their palates but their superiors memories. Their minds are efficient databases crammed with tastes, smells and evocations that they can cross-reference in an instant. Mine on the other hand, is filled with Kevin bloody McCloud.

‘Beaky-nosed, moi?’

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About Henry

Henry Jeffreys was born in London. He has worked in the wine trade, publishing and is now a freelance journalist. He specialises in drink and his work has appeared in the Spectator, the Guardian, the Economist, the Financial Times, the Oldie and Food & Wine magazine. He was a contributor to the Breakfast Bible (Bloomsbury 2013) and his book Empire of Booze: British History through the Bottom of a Glass was published in November 2016.
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4 Responses to This wine reminds me of . . . . Kevin McCloud!

  1. How many Kevin McClouds does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer: three. One to say that putting in a whole new lightbulb is a madly ambitious project, another to say that a cheaper lightbulb will be wildly out of keeping, and a third to say how surprisingly well the lightbulb project has turned out after all.

    (via The Telegraph)

  2. Henry says:

    Very good. I’d like to have something about high tech eco-lightbulbs being made at great expense in Germany and then shipped over with the usual tension about whether they’ll fit but it would make the joke less snappy.

  3. Chaz Folkes says:

    You weren’t playing the Grand Designs drinking game at the same time were you? (http://carina.org.uk/granddesigns.shtml) That could easily lead to memory loss…

  4. Henry says:

    I should have mentioned the drinking game. That would have made a much better post.

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